This blog was originally published on Caitlin’s Modern Sex blog for Psychology Today however the audio version is exclusively available on the Caitlin’s Couch Substack.
Key points
It’s difficult to maintain an active sex life if you’re not nurturing your connection outside the bedroom.
It’s the small things you do regularly that matter.
Surely you have five seconds for making eye contact; doing so fosters intimacy and presence.
Keeping the intimacy alive in your relationship takes effort, but it’s easier than you might think. It’s the small things you do regularly that matter, not the occasional large gestures that take a lot of planning, time, and energy.
It’s important to intentionally maintain your connection because, otherwise, life can pull you in different directions. Before you know it, you feel disconnected and unsure how to reconnect.
It’s difficult to maintain an active sex life if you’re not nurturing your connection between sexual experiences. The following is a list of quick, simple practices that will help you stay connected no matter how chaotic life gets:
Give a six-second kiss. Holding a kiss for six seconds allows time for your brain and body to register the closeness and skin-to-skin contact. A quick kiss is too fast to help you feel connected. Hold it for at least six seconds, and be mindful during the experience. Notice the sensations of contact in your lips, and sink into the moment.
Express gratitude. Let each other know what you appreciate from the day or in general. Being intentional with such a practice forces you to pay attention to things you like about your partner. Sometimes, we get into a habit of noticing all the things we don’t like or what annoys us. Letting your partner know what you appreciate helps them feel seen, which is key for connection.
Give a 20-30 second hug. Physical touch is essential for maintaining intimacy and connection. When we’re moving through our days and rushing about, we may not think to share an embrace with our partner, or we may embrace too quickly. Hugging for 20-30 seconds allows the bonding hormone to be released.
Make eye contact for five seconds. In our busy lives, we rarely come together and look at each other face to face, making eye contact. We talk to each other while we’re doing things or while looking at our phones or while watching a show. Taking a few seconds to look into each other’s eyes is a powerful way to foster intimacy.
Create a phone jail. Designate a period for putting your phones away, and come together fully present. It could be to have a cup of coffee together or share a meal. Phones take away from connection in significant ways, but we’re often so used to them that we don’t realize the negative impact they have on our relationships. You might be surprised at how much more connected you feel after spending time together without them. Make sure you put them far enough away that you can’t easily pick them up.
Choose one or two of the items to weave into your daily routines. Don’t worry if you miss a day; just get back to it as soon as possible.
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you check out 4 Easy Ways to Increase Sexual Desire.
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