5 Dating Strategies to Help You Avoid Emotional Exhaustion
Date in ways that support your mental health and make it more likely for you to meet the right person.
If you’ve been dating for a while, you’re probably tired of dating apps. The rollercoaster of going from excited and hopeful to disappointed and hopeless wears on you quickly.
We were told dating sites would help us meet the right person faster. However, it seems like dating sites are designed to keep people on them rather than help them get off them. From a business perspective, this would make sense, but it’s not something I can prove. All I know for sure is that dating sites will drag you through the mud and destroy your self-esteem if you use them without a strategy. The worse you feel about yourself, the harder it is to date and meet the right person. That’s why it’s imperative that you date with boundaries, a strategy, and intention.
I spent years on and off dating sites, so I know how they are from personal and professional experience. It took me years (and a lot of trial and error) to learn how to make dating apps work for me instead of against me. I eventually met my husband online, so I’m proof good things can come from them. However, by the time I met my husband, I’d been through hell and back. I’d learned how to date with self-esteem, relational skills, and self-care after years of emotional exhaustion. My strategies worked, but they were born out of a need to stop suffering. Had I known how to date in a healthier way earlier on, I wouldn’t have had such a painful journey. That’s one reason I am so passionate about sharing my dating knowledge: I don’t want anyone else to suffer for as long as I did. It’s not necessary if you learn to date more skillfully.
If you want to meet a right-fit person but you don’t want dating apps to suck the life out of you, you need to be strategic in your dating approach. The following is a list of things I did while I was dating to foster self-love and feel empowered and happy while looking to meet the right person:
Limit your time on the app. Focus on quality, not quantity. We’ve been told that we need to work hard to achieve our goals. If we’re not successful, we’re told to work harder. In many areas of our lives, that works. However, dating and relationships are different. There’s only so much you can control on your dating journey. Working harder leads to burnout. Instead, be boundaried with how much time you spend on the apps. Don’t go on them when you’re bored. Go on for a set amount of time each day. During that time, respond to people, message anyone interesting and call it a day. Do it again tomorrow. You don't need to do more than that; when you do, you take away from living a fulfilling life and you risk getting emotionally exhausted and depressed.
Learn about relationships. Seek help to learn how to be relational. Strengthen relational skills and learn how your current relational patterns impact your relationships (positively and negatively). Identify ways you push people away and create disconnection. Learn how to be a better listener. Learn additional ways to communicate. The better you are at relationships, the more ready you will be when the right person comes along. This is a better use of your time than endless scrolling.
Do things that feel nourishing. Pursue hobbies, do things that challenge you, learn new things, and make plans to have new experiences. Make your life what you want it to be right now. Don’t wait to live when you meet someone. The more satisfied you are in life the more ready you’ll be for the relationship you want. Plus, the more fulfilled you are, the more bandwidth you’ll have for dating.
Get clear on your boundaries. People are often uncertain about what they “should” do while dating. Should they wait for someone to respond? How long should they wait for someone to ask them out? How long should they wait before having sex with someone for the first time? There are no shoulds. You have to decide what works for you and stay true to yourself. This is very important for dating, self-care, and self-esteem.
Trust your gut. Your gut feelings are your guides. Instead of questioning your gut instinct and whether or not it’s valid, trust it and let it lead you away from things that don’t feel right. Your gut is never wrong. When you listen to it and trust it, you take care of yourself. If you had a million-dollar pair of earrings, and you had a bad feeling about leaving them out in your home, you wouldn’t risk doing it. You’d put them away. You are more valuable than that pair of earrings, so don’t risk yourself. Listen to your gut feelings and take care of yourself as though you know how valuable you are.
Which of these do you need to start doing? Let me know your thoughts in the comments!